I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hippo gnu deer
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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