9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
