I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
