what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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