do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i drank out of a bidet.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
