But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
