Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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