i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
