Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
