Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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