I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she pinky promised me she was 18
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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