is your mom at the bar?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
