apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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