Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
