There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
