i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
