I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
