I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
