what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
