I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
