I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
