Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
