Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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