I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
There's even glitter on my cock...
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