you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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