My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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