Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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