Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
