btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
