these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
