you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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