Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
