Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
