Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
