Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
