I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize