I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Randomize
