Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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