He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
