I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
