Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
