I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
