stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
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Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
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I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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