i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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