I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
