david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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