So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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