I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
