I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
