i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
