I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
