She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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