I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
