my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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