i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
