May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
