I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
