listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
