I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
