I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
