Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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