i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
