do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
