Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
