god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
