i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
