I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
