is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
